Thursday, December 17, 2009

1000 Years of Years Ending in 9, pt. 1

Cribbed from Wikipedia and memory, perhaps unreliable; stuff notable to me, not necessarily the most important.  Copied material in quotes, or hyperlinked (if they come through) bits, otherwise my phrasing and commentary.  Some years omitted through lack of interest!

1009 : First known mention of LITHUANIA in recorded history.

1059 : Big year for alleged heirs of allegedly holy Roman Imperial pontificates.

1069 : William the Conqueror does stuff to show he's just another brute-diabolical viking steaming pile and a total hypocrite by way of having rights by way of 'holy' kinships.

1079 : Omar Khayyam, now remembered mostly for his pretty Sufi poetry, did some really important math 'n' science calculations that make my head hurt just to read about in barest discription.

1089 : 'The Synod of Melfi under Pope Urban II imposes slavery on the wives of priests.' WTF?!

1099 : Horrible hypocritical conspiratorial Crusader crappe. But then, any '99s seem pretty bad (?).

1119 : " " " " " . And on it goes .

1139 : 'priestly celibacy is made mandatory in the Catholic Church'.

1159 : 'In the Roman Catholic Church, cardinals are given the right to elect the Pope. Prior to this, the pope was elected by the clergy and congregation of the church.'

1179 : Not content with the schisms and Crusade-fiascos of the past century, the 3rd Lateran Council makes great downward strides toward turning what started as the Church of the Savior of All into a paranoid, persecuting, central-hierarchy cabal.

1209 : The Albigense Crusade: Wha'd I tellya! --And in another 10 years, the Northern Crusades. Meanwhile, Genghis Khan is swallowing points-East.

1229 : Pragmatic egomaniac Frederick II pursues his grand career of ticking everybody off for the next decade and beyond, inspiring the heck out of Great Man Theory ambitious adherents.

1249 : 'Roger Bacon publishes a major scientific work, including writings of convex lens spectacles for treating long-sightedness and the first publication of the formula for gunpowder in the western world.' ...Ushering in the age of looking closely at triggering devices to blow up distant folks.

1259 : Neither brother-war nor gunpowder bombs stop the Mongols.

1269 : Almohad dynasty of alleged caliphs replaced by Berber Marinid dynasty in Moorish Empire. France lays heavy fines on Jews who don't wear 'Jewish i.d.' yellow badges.

1279 : Kublai Khan (~Yuan Dynasty) ends the Song Dynasty; takes all China. Mongol Empire at its peak. Kublai's 'diplomat' tries for Japan: Not rotsa ruck!

1289 : Franciscan friars begin missionary work in China. Promising start fizzles as usual on account of lack of Christianity among representative Christians--including the friars themselves, who put down the Nestorians, who had previously gained much more.

1299 : Assorted dynstic changes. Mongols finally been gettin' seriously butt-kicked.

1309 : Avignon becomes new comfy chair of papacy, which Clement V (of a line of popes with wildly ironic names) needed after secretly absolving the Templars but allowing a lot of the old catchables of them to be sadistically persecuted by Phil the (Outrageously Un-)fair.

1319 : Norway & Sweden unite.

1329 : Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland dies, replaced by David II.

1339 : Kashmir (which may have been previously Israelitish) is conquered by Muslims. All streets in the city of Florence are paved, making it the first European city to do so. This would no doubt help in the following centuries, so that great works of art could be moved without danger of going codpiece-deep in kaky mud. The Kremlin in Moscow is built.

1349 : The Black Plague blamed on Jews, who are burned en masse.

1359 : Lots of Muslim-world thrones reshuffled.

1369 : Damned Crusades in the hole (and embracing converso bloodlines of David & Mohammed), Western Europe goes back to fighting with each other. They could help against Turkics in the South and East, but NOoooooooo*. Throne changes in Southeast Asia, too.

1379 : *The Venetians and Ottomans invade Constantinople.

1389 : Overthrows throwing up all over.

1399 : Muslims, Christians & Tatars continue to fight amongst 'their own' and cross-ally.

1429 : Joan of Arc has a buncha victories, probably not envisioning that France will hardly have a decent native general after her, or Jacques Chirac will be scared of his Maltese (no, not a Knight of Malta, but a dog resembling a particularly cute dust bunny with the biting power of a chip bag clip).

1439: The Great Ordinance is adopted by the French Estates-General. This measure grants the king the exclusive right to raise troops, and establishes the taxation measure known as the taille in support of a standing army. They thought it seemed like a good idea at the time :( . Alleged and unlikely Miracle of the Moose; unfortunately an ouch for Alces. Let us pray for no more armies and only FUN moose miracles.

1459 : Bucharest first mentioned; Jodhpur founded.

1469: Ferdinand of Aragon marries Princess Isabella of Castile. This event will lead to a unified Spain in 1492. Niccolò Machiavelli, Manuel I of Portugal, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, & Vasco da Gama born. Now we're gettin' real quattrocento!

1479 : Lots of events leading to the Age of Exploration.

1499 : Bernardino de Sahagún and Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo are born. Already guys like these have led to the making of statements like this: 'Lake Maracaibo is discovered' --when the indigenes knew it was there all along.

1509 : Hard times in Italy and Istanbul, while Henry VIII looks good. Puts one in mind of what the Bible said about the King of Tyre.

1519 : Huge NEW WORLD year: Reformation & Counter-Reformation stars get goin' by way of activism or birth. Discoveries and conquests in the Western Henisphere lead to agonies, HOWEVER, the good thing: Cacao comes to Europe. Quattrocento superstars die.

1529 : Lots of important and interesting things happened, but Dude! Catch the pic of Suleiman's beanbag chair sized turban! What is it with warmongering megalomaniac tyrants and wildly impractical hats? It seems to have faded in recent decades, but ya hafta figure Saddam, Cheney, etc. got something like a papal tiara pimped out for a Las Vegas showgirl, with nuclear power.

1539 : More like the above, Mosaic horrors in Henan, and Guru Nanak dies.

1549 : 'In the Kingdom of England, it was known as 'The Year of the Many-Headed Monster', because of the unusually high number of rebellions which racked the country.' Including: The first Book of Common Prayer is published in England. The Prayer Book Rebellion breaks out in England.

1559 : Elizabeth I of England is crowned in Westminster Abbey. John Knox returns from exile to Scotland to become the leader of the beginning Scottish Reformation. Francis II becomes King of France following the death of his father, Henry II, in a jousting accident. Frankie would die the next year, widowing his teen bride, Mary, Queen of Scots, who would have a helluva time with Bess and Knox (among others), too.

1569 : Flat-out wars, both sides in the name of the Prince of Peace.

1579 : Birth-pangs of an independent Netherlands. 'Sir Francis Drake, during his circumnavigation of the world, lands in what is now California, which he claims for Queen Elizabeth I. With an English claim here and in Newfoundland, it becomes the basis for English colonial charters which will claim all land from the Atlantic to the Pacific, from "sea to sea." Drake's claim is called "Nova Albion" (New England), and subsequent maps will show all lands north of New Spain and New Mexico under this name.'

1589 : Job is elected as the first Patriarch of Moscow and All Russia. Protestants have civilized and barbarous occasions.

1599 : Robert Devereux, 2nd Earl of Essex beats up on Ireland, as will Oliver Cromwell, born this year.

1609 : Major startup events in English North America. Spain cools down foreign hostilities with 'heretics', but expels homegrown moriscos.

I may not finish this project.  My original idea was just to point out the many notable by-decade MOVIE ANNIVERSARIES IN 2009...  Since they seem to have been woefully ignored.

No comments:

Post a Comment